


I Love Whom I Love

by Sourcherrymagiks



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, The Last Unicorn - Peter S. Beagle
Genre: Agatha has had enough of everyone, Baz as schmendrick, Baz is crap at magic, COC 2020, Carry On Countdown 2020, Fiona as the skull, Idiots in Love, M/M, Meaningful Looks, Penny is mostly taking the piss, Pining, Simon as Prince lir, Simon is having a gay panic, The Last Unicorn - Freeform, agatha as Amalthea, ebb as the cat, last unicorn au, only one unicorn, penny as molly, the Mage is a twat
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:20:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 15,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27716005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sourcherrymagiks/pseuds/Sourcherrymagiks
Summary: The unicorn is as old as, well it hardly matters, she’s immortal. She might also be the only one left. Most unwillingly she leaves her forest to find out if she truly is the last. If not to she will probablyhave tosave her family. But she intends to moan about the whole time.A Carry On retelling of The Last Unicorn by Peter Beagle for the Carry On Countdown 2020Chapter 1/Day 1 - Found FamilyChapter2/Day 2 - DistanceChapter3/Day 3 - RetellingChapter 4/Day 4 - Side Characters (Dev and Niall)Chapter 5/ Day 5 - SleeplessChapter 6/ Day 6 - WLW (Keris and Trixie)Chapter 7/ Day 7 - AnimalsChapter 8/ Day 8 - RainChapter 9/ Day 9 - KidsChapter 10/ Day 10 - CrossoverChapter 11/ Day 11 - FluffChapter 12/ Day 12 - WingsChapter 13/ Day 13 - Below the Surface
Relationships: Penelope Bunce & Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch & Shepard & Simon Snow & Agatha Wellbelove, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 18
Kudos: 17
Collections: Carry On Countdown 2020





	1. Men

Agatha

It been a while since men were in my forest. Well I say a while, as if time means anything at all to me. I am as old as the forest, old as the sky, old as the oceans. I haven’t spoken to another unicorn since before the days of man. It is not my way.

They clatter around _my_ forest as if it were their right and appear surprised at the absence of any willing victims.

“I mislike the feel of these woods, animals that live in a Unicorns forest learn a little magic of their own over time. Mainly concerned with disappearing.” The big ones voice breaks through the afternoon. It smashes all the serenity of my lands with it’s rasp.

The young one makes a frightful noise (a laugh? Is that what a _human_ laugh sounds like?) “Unicorns? Legends and superstition. Let us not excuse your poor hunting with fanciful daydreams. This is a forest like any other.”

“Then why do the leaves never fall here? Why is it always spring? There is one unicorn still and this is her land. We will find no sport here today.”

He turns his horse and shouts (shouts, _honestly_ , humans.) “Stay where you are Unicorn for you are the last. This is no world for you, stay in your forest and protect your friends.”

The presumption of it.

To address me such.

To give me orders.

Then it breaks through. His words. What it all means. For the first time in a hundred years I speak aloud.

“Am I truly the last?”

A few rabbits glance at me like I’ve finally taken leave of my senses and I sigh. A deep weary sigh of someone that is now going to have to get involved in something.

The sigh of someone who was quite happy doing what they were doing _thank you very much_

The sigh of someone who has been alive long enough to know that ‘destiny’ is a delightfully fanciful way of saying‘tedious shit that no one else wants to be saddled with’.

I am considering the multitudinous ways in which I do not want any of this when something hits my face with a soft _thuwmp._

Oh good. Now my day is truly made.

A screech little voice starts crooning out

“My one true love,

I’m dreaming of my only love”

“Do not feel the need to serenade me dear Gareth, you know I do not have any taste for music.” I find that I have spoken aloud, again. There is no need for that. We understand each other, the animals and I.

Well not this particular butterfly. He has never listened long enough to _understand_ anything. He flys from point to point, thrusting his ridiculous tummy out like a pervert. I’m glad he pays no attention. I’m sure my face is showing my every emotion. Still he might have some use after all, he travels everywhere and sees everything. Unfortunately he is not blessed with coherence.

“Gareth, am I the last? The last unicorn in the world?”

“If you were the only girl in the world and I was the only boy.” He sings hitting at least three notes entirely of his own invention.

“I’m not a girl Gareth and I pass no comment on you. Am I the last?”

“They ran down all the roads long ago and the red bull ran behind them.” He speaks almost deadpan before bursting into what I suppose passes for song again. 

“On a stormy sea of moving emotion

Tossed about, I'm like a ship on the ocean.”

“Quite. Well. Thank you I suppose. If you have any more information regarding this red bull or the other unicorns? No? No need to sing thank you.” I walk away before the urge to accidentally swat him with my tail overwhelms me.

I walk. Up and down. I sit. I walk again.

Unicorns are not made for making decisions. We simply _are_.

But what if they are waiting for me? what if my family need to be found? What if I am the one who needs to find them?

I move towards the edge of the forest.


	2. Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Mommy Fortuna’s Carnival. Where the only real magic is illusion.

**Baz**

It isn’t that I was sleeping. Luxury pass times like _sleeping_ and _eating_ don’t exist in Mommy Fortuna’s Carnival. They are as fanciful and mythical as unicorns and werewolves. But I had failed to expect the muddy turnip to the side of my head which jolted me out of my doze. 

“Must you?” I grumble rubbing the sore and muddy patch on my face. 

“I don’t have to but I did want to so there’s that. It’s your turn to muck out the harpy. Sorry magic boy.” Dev grins at me with the joy of someone who has found a slightly lower life form to bully. In the old days his family would have served mine. Magicians ruled the world. Or so the legend goes. Magic was everywhere if you knew the right words. Now magic is patchy, unreliable, like a damp match. 

Instead of a valued Mage I am reduced to court jester. Court jester without a court. More like an oddity in a travelling selection of oddities. 

All of this would be so deeply demeaning without the addition of the two great louts who consider themselves my superiors. 

I grab a bucket and make my way to the rolling cages that house the animal inhabitants of the carnival. The ageing lion gives me a growl so pathetic that I feel the side of my mouth tug down. He wants nothing more that a blanket. Once king of the jungle, now neutered house cat. I can empathise. 

The harpy is a different matter though. 

They are real. 

They are the embodiment of hell made flesh.

Their magic pulses dark and sticky. Burnt caramel and sulphur. I dare not speak in range of their cage for fear the words will twine with their magic, unleashing dark power. 

They make sport of me as I clean by lashing at me with sharp talons, snapping with a lethal beak, flapping those gigantic wings. 

It is too cold for this nonsense. 

I give them a filthy look as I finish and turn to see Mommy Fortuna returning to the circle of cages with an actual fucking unicorn on a leash. A unicorn. I take a step closer. The magic whacks into me like a wave on the shore. I feel like I could actually cast. I feel like the words would have power. 

The look in her eyes is warning enough not to try. 

Dev and Niall scamper around opening up the empty cage, getting in the way, bowing and somehow making a simple job look difficult beyond all comprehension. 

It’s wrong. 

So _wrong._

The harpy I can potentially justify. They are dangerous and without mercy. But a unicorn? Pure magic is not for capture. 

Not for show. 

Not for us. 

**Agatha**

The cage smells of mortal animal. The rope on my neck burns with shame. The gawping eyes of the boys on me. 

This was not how it was supposed to happen. I did not have much of a plan I will admit. I was hoping destiny would find me rather. Present a clear path. Not lead me this distance from my home and deposit me in the hands of a second rate Mage with just enough power to trap me. 

It’s demeaning and irritating. 

I may need an actual plan if I’m to reach the end of this without more serious harm than some embarrassment and a short imprisonment. 

But unicorns are not made to make decisions. 


	3. Mortals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Only she would dare to hold two immortals. Only she is willing to pay the price to have her story told and retold until the end of time.

**Baz**

I keep my distance but it’s not enough. Mommy Fortuna exists on attention, feeds on it like the disgusting vampire she is. 

“Come here Magician, see what I did, see what my magic can hold.” She beckons grotesquely to me with her bony fingers. I hate her carrion scent. Hate her ceremonial rags. She is a mockery of everything my family held dear. Lawless magic used without heed for its impact or its price. No Mage worth the name would hold and immortal. Let alone two immortals. 

No Mage worth the name has half the knowledge of magic she does. 

No Mage worth the name can solve the mystery of where the magic went. 

But I believe she can. 

And for that I tolerate the cold and the stench and the torment. I only have six or seven million plots to destroy the lot of them. Plotting passes the time. 

I cannot tolerate this _bragging_ though. There is no excuse for laying hands on an immortal. No possible reason to keep one in captivity. 

As I get closer to her I see that she has dared to _enchant_ the unicorn. Actually sullied her with a dirty little spell. A spell to make her appear as a unicorn. 

I shudder involuntarily as the grief of all the loss that the fake horn symbolises rises and chokes me. No magic anymore means that no one believes enough to recognise a unicorn. 

But I do. 

I’d know her without looking. 

I’d know her if I had never known magic. 

My bones call to her. My tiny spark of magic wants to burst out and greet her. 

“You wonder I can keep her Basil? Wonder that I dare?. There is nothing I won’t dare. Once we were Mages together, bound by magic, separate from the world. Then the petty squabbles among those who should have led us destroyed our world as surely as if they had burned the magic away themselves. I will not hold to rules made by politicians to protect their own. What I have I’ll use. There is no chosen one coming to save the day my sweet boy. No one to judge you for giving in to what you want.” 

Her words form a knot of nausea in my stomach. I don’t like her version of our history and I don’t want it to be true but I have seen enough of men and of mages to feel the truth of it. 

“Let her go. Let them both go. You caught them. You held them. You’ve proved your point.”

“I will never. They are mine. No one else could do what I have done here. No one.” She spits and shuffles managing to look even more disreputable than normal. 

Then a voice echos in my head like a bell ringing  
“Your death sits in that cage Fortuna, the Mage is right. Release us both, we are not for you.”

“Who are you for then? I will die before I’ll let you go. When the day comes that you finally kill me you will still feel my chains upon you. Forever. That’s my immortality and I won’t shirk the cost. You will tell and retell my story to yourself until the end of time.”

She stamps off laughing at her own words. Laughing at the death she courts every single day that the harpy is caged. 

I bow to the unicorn. I feel uncomfortably like I would be happy to pledge my life to serve her or some such drivel. I collect myself before I can offer up my soul like an apple.

“I will be back, later, I’ll help.” I mutter, desperate to please her.

She tosses her head and I swear I see stars. 

“See that you do please. I am far too busy for this _mess_ ”

I don’t know if I should laugh or cry so I shrug.


	4. Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kisses and blood. Hurt and healing. Two sides of the same coin.  
> Also Dev and Niall.

**Agatha**

Well this is not going at all well.

I grossly overestimated the world I was stepping into. Apparently this world does not know unicorns. I am just a very clean horse to the world of men.

I suppose it was inevitable that mages would be drawn to me. I rather wish it hadn’t been these trashy low rate mages though. I have no real idea what a ‘carnival’ is. It appears to involves cages and rag tag animals magically dressed up as legends so I am more than happy to live a long and happy life never finding out. 

All of the humans I’ve seen so far have some magic. Fortuna is a powerhouse but her ignorance and lack of ethics makes her dangerous and reckless. On the other hand the dark haired one is too bound up in himself. The magic can’t get through his anxiety. 

The other two are potatoes. Magical but inert. 

The potato ones come spilling out of one of the wagons in a jumble of limbs and laughs. I am only a little ashamed to admit they make me smile. There isn’t much joy outside my forest. They are all joy. All sunshine. 

I watch as the big one drags the smaller one down next to him on the grass 

“Leave off Niall, there’s work to be done.” 

“It’s not like you to be into work my love.”

“I don’t like to go near that cage after dark, they give me the creeps, I can hear them in my chest.”

“Aw, poor baby, I’ll protect you.”

He pulls him down into a kiss and I want to look away. But I can’t. What must it be to be _wanted_ like that? To have someone shiver at your touch. 

I don’t want any of it. But I’m glad for them.

**Baz**

I was trying to work out how to distract them but they seem to be doing a wonderful job of it themselves. Mommy Fortuna is far too wrapped in her success to care that her servants are eating each other in middle of the carnival.

I only watch for a moment. Long enough to see Dev trace his fingers along Niall’s jaw. Long enough to see Niall tug Devs hair, forcing him closer.

Long enough to make myself wretched and lonely. 

I cough and they spring apart. 

They both mutter at me on their way to the harpy’s cage. I dare not speak with the unicorn again. Instead I talk with the elderly snake who, enchanted, appears to be the Midgard serpent. We’ve just started in on the inconsistency of Mommy Fortuna’s selection of enchantments (he’s right it is _incongruous_ to have Norse mythology next to Greek.) (Also the parrot under the Phoenix illusion is very loud. It must be awful to live next door.) when the screaming starts. 

I rush out to find that the Harpy has somehow managed to slash a gaping wound down Dev’s arm. Niall is soaked in blood as he tries to keep some pressure on it. It won’t work. Humans cannot survive injuries from immortals.

Only magic can save him now.

“Drag him over to her.” I shout pointing to the unicorn. I’m desperate and they must be because they comply. 

“Can you help him? Can you undo what your kin has done?” I wonder about the etiquette of shouting at immortals but it’s not the time really. 

She raises her beautiful head. 

“It is not in my gift magician. That is what you are for.” She at least has the decency to look a little sad about it. I’m fairly sure it is in her gift but she’s being a bit of a prat. 

I have no idea what to do. 

I don’t have the words for healing. 

I don’t have the magic for the words.

I try anyway.

“Magic do as you will. Magic do as you will.”

At first there is nothing. Then deep inside me a little flame springs to life. 

“Magic do as you will. Magic do as you will.”

The flame turns into an inferno. 

“Magic do as you will. Magic do as you will.”

The inferno bursts out of me and consumes Dev’s arm. He screams even louder (how?) then looks very puzzled. 

The magic pops and goes out like a candle being snuffed. I feel wrung out and shitty as I slump to the floor. But Dev is fine. His arm is smooth, unmarked and the magic has seen fit to give him a bit of a much needed wash as well.

Niall smothers him in kisses and touches, murdering low and soothing as Dev leans into his body like he’s the only thing in the world. 

I look up to see the Harpy give a slight head tilt to the unicorn in a gesture not for mortals to understand. Like a test has been administered and passed. For all their differences the are two sides of the same coin. More binds then then separates them. 

And all at once I feel alone. There is too much of togetherness in the air tonight. 

None of it mine.


	5. Freedom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the Magician dreams he dreams of a Prince.
> 
> When the Harpy dreams they dream of revenge.
> 
> The Carnival is not safe tonight

**Baz**

Six hours before I can safely set her free.

I should sleep. 

I feel keyed up and tense and twitchy and it’s altogether too much and not enough.

There is magic around her. Magic I can use. It doesn’t pull at me like the Harpy’s magic. The one time I cast too close to them I could taste coal in my mouth for days. The burn scars still mark my palms. But the unicorns magic was bright and sharp and _I could use it_. I want to spend some time thinking about what that means. I want to join together all the fragments of knowledge currently bunching together in my brain. But I’m slow and stupid. Fidgety and unfocused. 

I lie down to stop myself from pacing. I need Dev and Niall to stay _busy_ and Fortuna to stay sleeping. My crashing about is hardly conducive to that. 

I lie down.

I wake to darkness and panic. I feel locked in. Buried. I gasp for breath and hold on to the remnants of the dream. Blue eyes, bronze curls, love.

I know I’m an infernal fool. A wretched romantic. But when life is this grim something has to pull you through. Why not a dream Prince Charming? 

Fuck.

I am pathetic.

**Agatha**

The Magician said he would come before dawn. I believed him. He is too earnest to lie. Such desperation for magic he thinks is hidden.

Mortals. 

Always blocking their own view in the mirror. 

He sneaks to my cage on tip toes which almost makes me laugh. A tall man wearing a wizards hat and robes walking across a field does not become inconspicuous through the use of ballet. 

“Lady, I dare not use magic. I cannot control it and it will draw attention. Forgive me for you deserve the services of a first rate magician but you will have to do with services of a second rate pickpocket.”

He pulls out a bunch of keys and tries a few in the lock before it clicks open. 

The carnival bursts into life as I step free. The humans rush from their trailers as if summoned by an alarm. The animals shriek and bash their cages. Between the magician and I they are free within a minute 

All except one.

“Do not do it my lady, they will kill you.” He shouts to me.

I do not shout back. But if I was going to _shout_ I would tell him that the harpy is kin and I cannot leave them caged no matter the danger. 

I open the door and they laugh a terrible laugh as the wheel into the sky. 

“Walk with me Magician, you must never run from and immortal. It attracts their attention.” 

I hear the flap of deadly wings but I know well that they have seen their captor. 

The sound of death echos through the carnival as Fortuna loses her battle of wills against the harpy. The boys have time to get away and I hope they take it. 

The price is paid in full already.

**Baz**

“I would come with you lady and offer my magic, such as it is, in your service.” I speak the words, too formal but not yet formal enough for the favour I ask. 

“I wish you had asked for anything else Magician. But you know I cannot grant what you truly want. I do not know how to mend your magic. Perhaps it is better this way. 

She leads down a road that I do not know. I follow. 


	6. Women

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Captain Keris Cully and her right hand woman Trixie live outside the rules.
> 
> A tiny kingdom made for love and sustained by a tiny bit of theft.
> 
> Is there a place for a lost magician? And for the one remaining Unicorn?

**Baz**

We walk for days. She is poor company for all her beauty. She has been nowhere and knows little except for her forest and her friends. She cannot tell me more about magic or how it works regardless of my endless pressure. 

“I simply _am_ magic Basil. I use it when I can and I know when I cannot. It is impossible to explain more clearly. There are not the words. If men no longer have magic perhaps it is for the best.” Her voice is without sympathy and with barely any interest.

“How can you say that lady, look around at this world and tell me that is does well without magic.” I have tried this line of persuasion 17 times in the last two days alone.

“I see a world that is missing its unicorns not missing its Mages my friend. Shall we rest here for the night?”

As effectively as always she ends a conversation that leads nowhere. Honestly, I would have credited immortals with more patience. Time is what they have most of. 

Before we can sit a storm of noise and dust approaches from the east. I raise my hands to guide her into the forest but she flinches away from my touch. There is apology on both our faces as she backs into the undergrowth. 

“Hallo there stranger!” Shouts a woman on horseback. The riders behind her pull their horses up to surround me. I shield my eyes from the setting sun and look up at her. She resembles nothing so much as a dandelion. A fierce dandelion mind. I am cautious as I respond.

“Hello to you too. Whom do I have the pleasure of addressing?”

“I normally asks the questions but since you be so polite I will tell ye. I am Trixie, right hand gal of the legendary Captain Keris Cully. She who steals from the rich and gives to the poor. Now hand over your gold and we will be on our way.”

What a curious little woman she is. But dangerous too. Her hand is at her weapon and there is a dare in her eyes. 

“I am terrifically sorry to be a disappointment but I am the ‘poor’ of whom you speak. I haven’t any money I’m afraid. 

Trixie spits in the dirt at my feet and I swear to Merlin that it’s _glittery_

“Turn out his pockets for him ladies, let’s see if he is a liar or a fool or just irritating.”

I am immediately grabbed and searched in a way that would possibly be a bit kinky if they were any more interested in me than I am in them. They find nothing. 

Trixie looks disappointed. 

“Best take you with us anyway. Let Keris decide if she wants to put you to work or something.” She nods her head and I find myself thrown over the rear of her saddle like a sack of potatoes. There is no time to warn the unicorn but I suppose she will find me if she wants me or not if it doesn’t suit. 

**Agatha**

It is becoming more and more clear to me by the moment why I have avoided humans for so long. They are so chaotic and loud and unpredictable and _messy_.

I should just leave him to deal with this nonsense by himself but I feel somewhat bound to him. I do not enjoy the obligation. 

I follow silently. 

They arrive at a clearing in the forest some few miles from the road and the fluffy haired leader swings down from her saddle and strides over to the most beautiful human woman I have every seen. She is so tall and strong. Her arms _ripple_ as she picks the little one up and crushes her mouth down onto her lips. I take a step back without thinking. Feeling I’ve intruded on something. Something not meant to be seen. 

They look so happy to be in that frankly uncomfortable position. How can they breathe like that? 

When they finally untangle the tall one speaks and points towards Basil. My Basil. How dare they steal _my_ annoying companion?

They stroll towards the horse and the little one slaps the big one across her bottom making her laugh. 

There is more kissing. It makes me warm and unsettled. 

The other humans don’t seem to notice or care though. They unpack and take their places around the fire. Leaving their leader to _whatever_ it is she is doing. 

**Baz**

Far be it from me to be an ungrateful captive but it would be nice if I didn’t have to listen to the sounds of two people who are _very_ pleased to see each other while I’m face down over the back of a horse. It is not the stuff of fantasy. It is just uncomfortable as faintly embarrassing. 

Eventually, after what feels like hours of slurping at each other, they drag me down and sit me in front of the fire. 

“Welcome guest, I am Captain Keris Cully and these are my merry folk. Well mostly merry. A couple can be a bit grumpy. My love has brought you here because you puzzled her and we like a puzzle. So tell us, stranger, what is your story?”

I clear my throat to begin speaking but she cuts me off immediately. 

“But of course you want to know our story first of course. It’s bound to be more interesting than yours anyway. Let me begin.”

There are some muffled groans from around the fire. But nothing ever became legend without being retold again and again. If the Captain wants to ensure her story lives on then I am not going to stand in her way. I doubt I could anyway. She’s very much stronger than me. 

“My love, my Trixie, was bound to another. Many of us were. Bound to keep house and keep chickens. Bound to live out our days at someone else’s command. No one ever asked us what we hoped for in life. If we wanted a different path. I wouldn’t have minded the chickens. I just didn’t want the man.” There are sounds of agreement. Arms go around the shoulders of loved ones. Trixie puts a hand on her lovers knee. 

“Stories where lovers choose their own way end in death. One or the other has to suffer. This is how it has always been. We decided we didn’t have want to be in those stories. We wanted a chance to fly.” She is teary now. I am too. Something in her pain feels like mine. The knowledge that our not fitting is a crime is bone deep but her words make it feel less inevitable. 

“So we took what we needed and set up here. A few to begin with. Then word spread that we would help those who wanted. We borrow from the more upstanding members of the towns to keep us in rat stew and tattered clothes. But we are free. And more often than not we are happy.” She gives Trixie a smacking kiss that shows the world just how happy.

“You, she saw something in you that made her bring you here. You do not have to tell us but you are welcome. Live your truth here my friend. Help others live theirs too. Unless you have another destiny?”

The part of me that wants to stay is hungry and loud. The chance to be accepted without even having to name the many things that exclude me from the normal world. But it is not my destiny. Or a less frilly word. It’s not my path. 

But as I look at the women in front of me, so in love they build a tiny kingdom, I wish it were.


	7. Stories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How could you? How could you come to me now? How could you come to me when I don’t believe in anything anymore? How can you come to me when I have run out of hope? Where were you when I was full of dreams?

**Penny**

As if it’s not enough that everyone sits round mooning about how in love they are and how wonderful everything is while some of us do all the work but now we have to feed another person too.

“No. No. No Keris. No more mouths until we get more food. The stew is thin as sweat as it is.”

Some cheeky blighter chirps up “You could always try using a fresh rat? On the third night at least. As a treat.” I scowl at her and charge over to the posh looking prat sat in my spot. 

“What are you doing here? What do you want? Did you bring food? Are you staying?” I can’t be wasting time on manners today.

“Penny, settle down a minute. He hasn’t had chance to tell his tale yet. Let him speak.” Trixie sounds sensible enough but she’s still and irritating hairball of a human. 

Keris catches my murderous look and says with a firm edge in her voice “Sit a minute Penny. There will be time enough for stew later.”

I sit and stare at the man hoping to scare him off.

When he speaks he’s got the accent of someone from money but his robes are in tatters and his boots are a disgrace. Wherever he came from it was far away in time or distance.

“I seek the red bull.” He says and absolute pandemonium breaks out. 

“Settle down everyone. **Settle Down** ” Keris is used to being heeded first time she speaks. This is going to put her in a foul mood.

“Why do you want to know of the bull?”

He looks up and speaks without any fear “He has down a terrible harm to the world. I would seek to right the wrong. I need to. I can never be whole until I have followed this road. Until I have found the bull.”

Keris knits her brows and looks at Trixie. 

I speak. I know the stories as well as them. 

“The Red Bull belongs to King Haggard. He is the worst of all of the rulers for enacting laws against those who will not comply. He hates to see others happy. The Bull does not harm people but it does not good either. That kind of magic stays on your skin. It infests your dreams. It is magic. The bull is no animal you can tame, it is no pet. Magic and hatred and pain created it and bitterness controls it. We do not go to Haggard’s country. No one does. It isn’t safe and the bull is the least of it.”

I haven’t spoken so much without threatening anyone for years. I mean it wasn’t a speech free of menace but there were not direct promises of harm.

“Still I must go to it. I must destroy it. I don’t know why but I feel a pull.” He speaks with such annoying authority. Like that’s the end of that. He has to go after it so consequences be buggered.

“Did you hear what I said whatsyourname?” 

“It’s Basil. And yes. I heard and I thank you for it.”

“Did you actually _hear_ though Basil. Because you seem to have glossed over the bit where there is a ball of spite magic in the shape of an animal that can’t be killed by human hands.” I get a bit shrill toward the end. I don’t know why I care. Truly. It’s none of my business. 

“But still I have to go.” As he speaks he looks past me to the forest edge. 

“What are you looking at?” 

He ignores me bad turns to Keris. “Shall I entertain you to say thank you for the company and the stew?” 

There is a pleased murmur which he takes as an invitation. 

He points his fingers to the fire and speaks 

**“Magic do as you will, Magic do as you will.”**

The fire sparks and gutters. Then a frog in a top hat appears. Followed by a hare on a unicycle. Behind him a fox is juggling red balls accompanied by a duck with a tambourine. Absurd animal after absurd animal appears from the fire and begins a parade out into the forest. As if drawn to the funny little beasts everyone stands to follow. A procession of adorable and ridiculous joy. I find myself joining in.

**Baz**

She waits until they have gone and steps out into the clearing. 

“Good work magician. I liked the hedgehog particularly.” 

I give her a low bow and we turn from the warmth of the perfect little camp back to the road that leads to our fate. 

“I would have liked to stay.” I confide.

“I know.” She says without empathy. A mere statement of fact. 

Then the terrifying angry one who shouted at me about the bull appears in front of us. 

“You? You! How could you? How could you come to me now? How could you come to me when I don’t believe in anything anymore? How can you come to me when I have run out of hope? Where were you when I was full of dreams? Where were you?”

I step between them to protect the unicorn but she nudges me out of the way. 

“I was in my forest, I am the last I think.”

“Makes sense. It would be the last unicorn on earth that came to Penny Bunce. But I forgive you and I will come.”

I try to protest. I try to stand in her way but the woman is like a hurricane and the unicorn offers no help. 

I find myself whining slightly “We go to fight the bull you know. The bull you warned me to leave.”

She gives me a long hard stare. “I warned you off. I did not realise she was going too. Also, as a side note, you are going the wrong way.”

I splutter and harrumph as she turns us into the right road. 

I find myself following towards a place I do not want to go. Away from a place I could have called home.


	8. Dry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The journey makes its mark on all of them. Some grow into themselves, some grow more patient, some are drying up in spite of the rain.

**Agatha**

We walk. The roads seem endless and unforgiving. The closer we get to Haggard’s lands the more barren the world becomes. There are hardly any treees. The grass that frowns from between the rocks is sickly and pale. There are no farms, no forests, no homes. 

Rock stacked on rock stacked on rock. For miles. 

Desperate little shacks cling to the mountain sides. The people we see look haunted and starving. Not like they need a meal though. More like they need an answer. I shudder to see them. 

I could have lost heart of not for Penny. She does not let people give up on things. Instead she talks to me or sings to me or tells me tales from long ago. I suspect much of it is nonsense but I find I like it. 

Basil has been pouting for so long I briefly wonder if he has forgotten how to speak (is that a thing that happens to humans?). The journey has not served him well so far. Each step seems to increase his self doubt and weaken his will. Exposure to my magic has not helped him be the magician he could be. I cannot guide him for I do not know the words. No one can turn another into a magician, no matter how much they want it. He looked shabby and sad when we met. Now he looks shabbier and sadder.

This quest is drying him up, like that lands around us. 

In contrast Penny has become softer and warmer as the road has led into leaner and harder terrain. She seems to be growing into herself, growing younger, almost growing happiness. She has needed an adventure. It harms a person who knows they are meant to be the main character to be cast in a bit part. Penny is meant for more. The longer we are together the more she believes it. She was fearsome before but now she has real belief not just temper. She is an excellent companion and I find I trust her with more of myself then I knew I could give. 

It is a dangerous game. Sharing myself with a mortal. But I cannot draw back and I cannot regret it. 

The rain falls, the sun rises, we become bound in strange and inexorable ways. 

**Baz**

I watch them together talking of nothing and vile twists my gut. I have no right to it and somehow that makes it worse. It is not their fault that they resonate at the same frequency. 

That’s the sting really. 

What must it be like to find another soul that sits so comfortably with yours? 

I look at the plump woman dressed in a shabby dress of indeterminate colour with men’s socks pulled up to her knees and work boots on her feet. There should be something incongruous about the whole picture when she leans her dark head against the shining light of the unicorn. And yet not there is not. 

They touch each other with gentle care, understand each other before the words are even out, they laugh as one. But that alone is not it. It is in the myriad of invisible ties between them that lead to a constant awareness. Not the awareness of anxiety but the comfort of a bond. 

I am not part of that. I am not part of anything and I never have been. I stay because I have nowhere else to be. 

I pull my wet cape tighter around me and try to sleep though the rain. 

**Penny**

We make a sad damp little camp in the half shelter of an overhanging rock. The fire is pathetic. Each raindrop makes a sad little fizz as it hits the warmish wood. I should be far more miserable and thirty times hungrier than I actually am but I’m not going to complain about being happy. Well not right now.

I wait until he is snoring (he would be horrified if I told him he snored. I might do it.) before I ask the question that’s been pushing at me all day. 

“Lady, why is he so sad. I thought I had just set him on edge but it has been days and he looks no better? He doesn’t laugh at my jokes. He didn’t even look at me when I was telling him what to do. I’m worried.

She gives me a put upon look. She’s not much for talking about feelings. 

“He is a magician but he cannot find his magic. He can borrow mine if needs must but he can’t command it to do anything except what the magic itself wills. That is enough to make anyone sad. I think there is probably more. A tragic backstory. I found him in the worst company and there must be an explanation for that. He is not like them. He is not like anyone else. Is that enough of an explanation?”

Well it should be but I’m greedy and like to know things. 

“Not quite, why can’t he find his magic?”

She gives a little sigh. It’s a lovely thing. 

“From what he has told me and what I know of magic it seems there is not enough magical energy in the world for magicians to harness and use. He has no practice in speaking spells that actually _work_ so he cannot imagine it. The magic does not respond to timid suggestions. It recoils from failure. So he cannot use it even when he is near it. Near me.”

My brain begins to whirr and fizz with a million ideas and song and stories that create a tapestry of answers. I can only see the underside right now but if I keep looking I will be able to see the whole design. This is not a problem that cannot be solved. 

I can fix this. 

**Baz**

_Rain drips into my eyes from my hair. A warm hand smooths it back from my face. My hair slips through his fingers and he tightens his grasp. I push my face forward into his. Looking for his kiss._

Then I wake up with a jerk. I feel cold. I feel wrong. The rain hides the tears but they know anyway. They are too gentle with me. It makes me feel like a walking bruise. 


	9. Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A beautiful town.
> 
> An elegant curse.
> 
> The story of a hero’s birth.

**Penny**

The journey must end at some point but I have to admit I have given up on looking for the castle when it appears, creepy and dark, on the edge of a sea I hadn’t heard. It’s all very wrong feeling. 

The hill we have just crested looks down on a valley so barren it makes my stomach ache. Well it’s barren except for the busy looking town in the middle. The fields directly around it are green and lush but they fade into the same desert dull as they spread away from the centre. Hagsgate. I had thought it was a myth. 

“Fortuna said there was a town out this way but she would never come here. I see her logic.” Basil doesn’t notice the slight tremor in the unicorn. She was held and she will never forget that. She feels it still.

“They call it the town that no man can know but I suppose we will be alright. I’m a woman and you are a unicorn. Dunno what to do with Basil though.”

He laughs a grim laugh “I’m no man. I’m a magician with no magic and _that_ is no one at all.”

I could respond with platitudes but he aches under comfort so I clap his back and say “Well let’s get to it then. I’m eager to know the truth and the tales of this strange place.”

The unicorn doesn’t speak. She can hardly take her eyes off the castle. It is horrid. It looks so unstable that it upsets the brain to see it standing. I reach for her but she sets off towards the town. 

**Baz**

The lights of Hagsgate are a shock to the system after the dark of the road. Worse as a contrast against the dark of the castle teetering like a child on stilts over the ocean.

The streets are quiet but this is not like any town I’ve seen before. Every home is beautiful. All in excellent repair. Window boxes and fresh paint abound. The smell of cooking wafts through the air. The streets are clean and straight. This does not look like a cursed unknowable town. This looks like a home. 

“I suppose we should find someone to tal....”

My speech is cut off by the blade held right across my throat. Well. I take it all back.

“No need to be finding us, it seems we have found you. Now if you would explain what you are doing skulking about with your Mrs then we can get some things straight.” The man behind me half bellows. 

I wonder absently where the Unicorn has gone but I recall quickly that she does not find kidnap to be convenient for her. She’s happy to let that experience pass her by. 

“This is not my wife. I was not ‘skulking’ and I am a magician so be wary of rousing my wrath with your threats.” The words sound thin and unbelievable in my ears but the dagger disappears immediately.

“A magician is just the thing. Just the thing. Come to the tavern if you please. Just the thing.” He sounds delighted. 

His friend does not sound delighted. “Wait, wait a minute anyone can come here and call themselves a magician. There are no standards these days. The old values have all gone. How do we know?”

The other man scratches his head as he looks me up and down. “Seems like a stupid thing to lie about. Plus he’s the one that will regret it if it is lies. You can do us a professional favour magician. Come, let’s discuss it.”

I can’t think of a single reason to put up a fight that we will lose. Our chances are much better with diplomacy. Penny shakes her head at me but it’s with rage rather than pity and it makes me feel better.

**Penny**

The tavern is warm and cosy. Word must have spread that there are strangers in town because it fills up around us. Hot mead and a table by the fire are so welcome that I could happily sleep if I wasn’t in mortal peril. 

The burly chap who almost manhandled Basil doesn’t wait or warm up to his topic gently. “Hagsgate is under a curse.”

“A curse of happiness and plenty? This is the only town for miles where anyone has anything.” I say and I realise it does sound a bit rude but really. He seems like one of those people will complain about anything.

“It looks like a good time I’ll concede but the cover doesn’t tell the story now does it? Do you want to hear the whole story or not?” 

Well of course I want to hear the whole story. I’ve never not wanted to know the whole story about anything ever. I nod to him.

“Haggard had the castle yonder built by a powerful magician. But when she was done he would not pay.”

I interrupt again. “I don’t blame him, I could smash that castle down with a hard sneeze. Poor workwomanship.”

He shakes his head at me like I’m a child.

“That castle is exactly what he asked for and it is sturdy enough to keep the Red Bull. It’s is the very best of it kind. But Haggard was greedy. He wouldn’t pay and when she turned to us for assistance, support, anything, we turned her away. We would not stand against our King because we too were greedy. So she laid a curse on us.” He starts to recite it in a monotone. Like a child saying a prayer by rote. Others join him. 

_You whom Haggard holds in thrall,_

_Share his feast and share his fall._

_And one will come to end us._

_And one will bring his fall._

_The child that is born amongst you_

_The most powerful one of all_

_Then the torrent takes the tower_

_And destroys the bloom of fortunes flower._

This times it’s Basil that interrupts. “That is a beautiful curse. Truly elegant. Absolutely ruthless. You cannot ever rest in case today is the day it all comes to end. Have you dared have any children at all?”

The sadness they all carry starts to make a bit of sense to me now. The burly man is tearful as he says

“No. We do not let visitors stay. We have no children. We wait in terror. We can enjoy nothing of the bounty we have. We know the sea waits for us.”

Basil asks the question a second before I do “But why are you afraid if you have no children? The curse cannot be fulfilled and you are free surely?” 

“There was an incident twenty years ago. A baby was left in the square. It was a feeezong night. Snow on the ground and more falling. I might have taken the baby in but for the way the snow never touched him. I know a hero’s birthday when I see one. So I passed on by. When I woke it was gone. So it is possible that our fate walks free.” 

It takes me a second to get enough breath into my lungs to properly let rip.

“Let me get this straight, you cheated a woman out of her pay then to avoid the consequences of your greed you thought it was a good idea to leave a _baby_ to die. Well I think you deserve everything you get I’m afraid. Shame on you all. I’ll not stay here Basil, come away from these people. They are not worth our time or pity.”

**Baz**

That horrible horrible story is enough to churn milk into butter. I don’t stand though. I need to know.

“You want me to lift the curse?”

“No, we know what you are and what you are not. You cannot lift the curse. But we know you must be heading to the castle and you could perhaps ensure that the young Prince not continue to be a concern.”

Penny catches on before I do if her slack jawed rage is anything to go by. 

“You absolutely horrible people. Haggard took the baby you hoped would die and now you want us to kill it right? That’s what you are trying to politely suggest. A bit of murder. But it’s fine because it would get you out of a bind. You disgusting slops.”

I have to be sure before I’m willing to let my own anger boil loose. “Is she right? Are you asking me to kill a man because you couldn’t kill a baby? Are you saying the Prince is none of Haggards own?”

The people of the town don’t even have the good grace to look ashamed of their murderous tendencies.

“Yes. Yes that’s what we want.”

“I’ll take my payment on the way back. We go now though.” There is ice and loathing in my voice and it causes them to step back from me. Before grinning at each other. Celebrating their success. 

I ignore Penny’s hiss. We are allowed to leave with high cheer. Welcome to come back anytime. They don’t press us to stay so eager are they to let us loose on the Prince. 

As soon as we get ten steps from the inn Penny pinches my arm hard.

“What was that? You can’t kill him. You can’t help them.”

I twist my arm away from her. “I’m not going to help them. What an awful thing to suggest. But now we know who our hero is. I wondered when he would turn up in the story. The hero never appears straight away you know. He seems a good one too. Cursed, beset by trials from birth, plots against his life. Excellent stuff.”

“If he’s the hero who is she?” Penny points to the Unicorn who has deigned to join us now there is no more unpleasantness. 

“Ah she is not _in_ the story. You and I, Haggard and the Prince, even those morally bankrupt fools, we must all go where we must go. We have to follow our plots. We play our roles. 

But she is real. She is real.”


	10. Fluff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Out of the stupid pan into the magical fire if you will.

**Baz**

I’m not fool enough to think they will just let us walk out of the town knowing what we know. My already dim opinion of them would sink even lower if they didn’t at least see us to the castle. 

The dark is all consuming outside the town, the road edged with trees twisted from the sea wind. 

They are not skilful spies. Even Penny hears them scrabbling around in the underbrush. I worry briefly they will come for the unicorn but they don’t see her. They see a shockingly well kept horse. 

Penny gives me a tense squeeze on the arm and I shrug at her. I don’t think we can do anything other than what we planned to. For better or worse this is the plot we have been given. 

They are closing in too fast and without thinking I pull Penny down to the ground and under my cloak. 

They come to a stop. It’s as if they can smell us (it has been a while since either of us bathed to be honest).

I feel the press of the steel against my shoulder. 

My life has been full of embarrassments and shame but I do not intend to crown it all by dying under a cloak. 

I jump up at the same moment that the unicorn attacks. 

I have seen her still. I have seen her quiet. I have seen her determined. I have seen her run for the joy of being alone. I have never seen this.

She is made of blades and icy fury. Like lightening given animal form. The men drop their weapons. The sound of steel hitting gravel feels like hailstones inside my head. 

I never thought to see an immortal lose it’s temper. Mind you, I suppose I never thought to call and immortal my friend either. Or to follow it to my certain doom. But here we are. 

She quiets down as soon as they are out of sight (and the screams are out of earshot) but it is a short lived calm. In the distance the castle is beginning to glow a viscous shade of red. 

It is the red of a poorly healed wound. All regret and poison. It seeps over the stones and pools at the foot of the castle. 

The sludge and slurry of mist begins to take shape.

**Penny**

Well that’s just perfect isn’t it? Trust a rabble of greedy knobs to make a unicorn angry and wake up what I’m going to assume is the bull. 

Out of the stupid pan into the magical fire if you will. 

She stands, trembling, in the road. 

I don’t go to her. She needs to think only of herself right now. The bull is not concerned with my doings if the legends are to be believed. 

But he will be concerned with hers. 

The pressure builds all around us. I feel it in my ears and in my teeth. It’a an oil on my skin. A throb in my gut. 

Before he can be he is in front of her. At first she stares him down. Daring him to bring his vile self into her perfect space.

The moment stretches out impossibly. 

It could go our way. 

It could. 

She could win. 

**Baz**

She is going to lose.

I see it in the tremble of her flank. 

I want her to run or to lose her temper again or something. But she is going to face him down and she will lose. 

He runs at her, chases her through the trees and over the field. She stumbles and I gasp so hard it hurts. This creature who moves through the world never touching anything is bashing and careening around. She hits every tree like they popped up from nowhere. It’s dizzying.

“Do something Basil, do something!” Penny is shrieking over to roar of the flames. Flames that don’t burn but instead leave a film of dirty magic on your skin. 

“What can I do? Do you think the Red Bull likes card tricks? Or maybe I can try that spell that conjures a tea cup? Maybe a nice warm brew would soothe him?”

She looks stricken. 

“This is on her Penny. She has come this far to do this. We cannot help.” 

The chase continues until, all at once she turns on him, driving him backwards.

I think I must be gaping for she is walking towards him and he is the one who looks defeated. His head is down. His fire seems to dim.

She has won. 

But then he takes a step towards her.

**Agatha**

I have lived forever. I have always known who I was. In the beat of the harpies wings I still knew who I was. 

I can be killed out here by an immortal or by a lucky shot but I will still be me. I cannot fear death or fear to love because I simply am. 

I fear now. I do not know myself now. 

His eyes draw me in. I feel the pull of the others. They call to me though him. 

I let him drive me towards the place they are. I will join them. It is right. 

**Baz**

Right. So she’s not going to win. 

She could have. There was a moment. 

But she no more believes that she is the most powerful unicorn alive than I believe I am a magician or Penny believes she is worthy.

Between us we have the self esteem of a button mushroom. The bull is made of belief though. He knows what he is and what he is for. Self doubt is not his forte.

He takes the unicorns and she is a unicorn.

Penny is weeping and begging, tugging my sleeve. There is a pull low in my stomach. Right and sure. 

I imagine blowing on it as if it were a reluctant fire, unwilling to light. It bursts into flame. It courses through me, scorching me clean in its wake. 

I have no words, no logic for saving a unicorn. Such an issue comes up so rarely. And even if I did it might not work. Instead I say the words that have been working. Trust in the magic to save one of its own.

**”Magic do as you will, Magic do as you will.”**

There is a flash of white light. Not lighting. More like a sunrise. The bull backs away. Turns his head towards his home. 

I collapse with the fucking relief of it all. And the fear. And because it’s late and I haven’t slept in weeks. 

The Penny starts screeching “Have you got nothing but fluff in between those ears? No sense at all? What have you done? What have you done?”


	11. Flight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is completely over the top to jump from the tower so that I land in front of the visitors with my wings outstretched. But we don’t get many visitors and I figure I might as well make an entrance.

**Simon**

It is completely over the top to jump from the tower so I land in front of the visitors with my wings outstretched. But we don’t get many visitors so I might as well make an entrance.

I want it like this. Best to get the awkwardness about the wings out in the open straight away. And, let’s be fair, they are wicked. 

The underfed looking guy with the dark hair is first to react. He rolls his eyes at me like he’s seen it all before. It makes me feel like a bit of a fool but he seems the type to do that to everyone so I don’t let it get me down. 

The two women are too tired to react to much. They are a sad sad bunch in a land of sad bunches. 

“Hello, I’m Simon. Can I help you?” 

The bloke speaks and his voice is clear and lovely like Haggard is always trying to get mine. I’m not much for words though. He’s not much for speaking either so I’d not know why he cares.

“We come to offer ourselves in the service of the king. I am a magician, she is a cook and this is my niece. We must speak to the king.”

Now as it happens we have just lost a cook. He was dreadful. The rice pudding was the final straw. While can’t say I would have gone as far as Haggard it is true that the cook certainly did commit unforgivable crimes against food. 

I consider it briefly but I don’t have the power to hire and fire so I show them in. If Haggards going to rage about it then he will. I mostly don’t hear it these days. 

“Come on then, I’ll show you to him. I would warn you but I suppose you know.” I say and they honestly look like they don’t care. 

What the hell happened to these people? 

**Baz**

Only I could achieve it really. I am allowed to be the magician by the side of the very last Unicorn and I manage to do _this_.

I don’t know how to apologise for it. She’s still trembling. She can’t stand on those unfamiliar legs. She can’t find the right place inside that body.

The human body I gave her. The magic gave her.

Yes , I will grant you that it saved her from the bull but at what cost? To be imprisoned in a skin that is not your own. To be asked to play a part you’ve no experience of.

It’s so cruel that I ache for her. 

Penny hates me. Hates me. 

Her voice is ringing in my brain. Each insult like a cat o nine tails across my heart. She was angry and she was right to be. I have failed so utterly. 

The Unicorn is not angry though. She was afraid and she was unsure but not angry. She knows as well as I do that magic will have its own way in a fairy tale. We are surely all enmeshed in the story now. All the pieces are on the board. The sidekick, the magician, the evil king, the beast, the heroic Prince and now a beautiful princess. Our final cast member slotted into place. 

However unhappily. 

But fairy tales do not like a happy princess before the tale reaches its conclusion. So I suppose it is as it should be. 

**Simon**

This doesn’t half feel like the adventure is just beginning. I’ve been waiting for this moment all my life. You can’t be the adopted prince of a evil king _and_ be part dragon and not think that there is more for you than patrolling a perfectly boring castle in a perfectly boring kingdom while letting your adopted father down in perfectly boring ways. 

Here it is.

My destiny.

Unfortunately my destiny seems to be very bad tempered and fairly unfriendly. I’m sure I can cure that though. I’m very friendly. 

“Sorry about all the stairs, the view is something though. Have you come far?” God I sound like a potato. An actual spud. 

“We have Sire, we have been around and about until we found it was time to be here.” The magician one sneers. 

Why can’t magicians just talk straight? They are worse than cats. Especially when they have those sneery eyes and those pouty lips. It’s just unfair. 

We arrive at the throne room before I can imitate another root vegetable with my witty small talk. 

“Your Magesty, new cook and magician for you to approve of please.” 

He grunts and looks up from his pile of paperwork. I have no idea what he working on but I’m sure it’s of literally no use to anyone. 

“We have a cook and a magician Simon. Try to keep up.” 

“Not to contradict you highness but there was the incident with the rice pudding last week.” 

He taps his pen against his teeth considering what I’ve said and then actually looks at who I’ve brought in. 

“Ah, yes to the cook but I don’t need the magician.”

The big haired woman steps forward and looks him up and down in a way I would simply _never_.

“You need a new magician Your Magesty because the one you have is not making you happy. What else is magic for?”

He looks absolutely baffled “How do you know?”

Pleasedon’tsayitPleasedon’tsayitPleasedon’tsayitPleasedon’tsayitPleasedon’tsayitPleasedon’tsayitPleasedon’tsayit runs through my head until....

“Well just look at you.”

Fuck

She carries on as if she hasn’t just insulted an evil king to his face in his own throne room “We will stay and we will do our best. Thank you Magesty.”

He just nods. In utter disbelief I expect. I dunno if I’m more terrified of her or more terrified he’s going to realise what she’s done or more terrified that I’m going to laugh. 

I rush them out of the room before I can find out. 

The niece, the pretty one, has only a cloak on and it can’t be warm enough. 

“I think there is some fabric in one of the bedrooms, let me show you to it and we can see about making you a dress. Follow me.”

She barely looks at me but she comes anyway. 

I was under the impression that we were supposed to fall in love at first sight but she doesn’t even seem to really be here and I don’t really know how to be in love. 

It’s not the most promising start really.


	12. Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “That is awesome. We can be friends forever.”
> 
> “We aren’t friends _now_ Prince.” 
> 
> “But we’ve got plenty of time.”

**Baz**

The days have taken on a fragile pattern. The Uncicon, or Agatha as we now call her (it would be more than a little odd to call a human woman ‘Unicorn’) stares at the sea from the tower. I am at the mercy of His Royal Magesty who seems to vary between testing my magic and poking fun at it (it’s rather like being back at home or being an apprentice. But colder). Penny cooks and cleans and sings and generally makes the whole place as cheerful as she can given the merciless bad mood that pervades the castle. 

The Prince is unfailing cheery too. He helps Penny, he tries to distract Agatha, he intervenes to prevent actual bodily harm coming to me in the Kings service. All in all he is heroic and irritating. 

Also beautiful. 

When he stands next to Agatha they look like every myth and legend I have ever imagined. There is enough of the immortal about them both to make it right somehow. Maybe that is how this goes. Maybe all the unicorns are destined to vanish leaving only a half unicorn married to a half dragon. 

I realise I’m muttering to myself. It shouldn’t bother me this much. I’m just here for the magic. 

I’m just here for the magic.

Not to fall helplessly in love or to get in the way of the actual plot. 

I find I’m still muttering as I enter then kitchen. It smells delicious and it’s so warm. Penny is cooking something and Simon is sat (with his feet on the table, what an animal) peeling potato’s badly. 

I reach around him and hold his knife hand.

“Away from you, peel away from you. It’s easier.”

I guide his hand to show him. Then I realise how stupidly and recklessly close I am. My skin tingles through my sleeve where my arm covers his. His wing rests on my back, heavy and sure. I can see the downy hairs on his cheek, the moles. 

I realise he’s looking at me like I’ve gone quite mad. 

So I stand up too quickly and bash his wing out of the way.

“Sorry, sorry.” 

“No, s’fine. This is better. I was gouging chunks out of my hand before and Penny wasn’t happy about the blood on the dinner.” He says in that infuriatingly friendly way. 

I slump into a chair like a puddle of defeat. If I could be any more of an awkward tosser I am not sure how. 

**Simon**

I’m feeling a bit funny for some reason. It gets all tense in the room. That’s not right. It’s never tense in here these days. It’s always warm and welcoming. It always smells of sage and chocolate which you might think would be a funny combination but I really like it. 

“What did he have you doing today?” I ask Baz. I don’t expect him to answer. He sometimes doesn’t. Most times. 

“Juggling tea cup. With tea in them. It’s a miracle I’m not scalded alive.” He buries his chin in his robes and glares. 

I make a sympathetic noise. 

“I would say he wasn’t always like this but I’m afraid he was. All he cares about is manipulating magic. I don’t think he understands that you can’t own it. I mean, I suppose you can’t. It doesn’t seem like you could.” I trail off. Trying to ignore the way Baz is looking at me. 

Penny comes and sits next to me to shell the peas. Baz stops looking. Did I want that? 

“So I’ve known you long enough now to ask, what is going on with these.” She pats my wing like you would the side of a cow. 

“Funny story. Well. Not exactly funny. Back when I was a sprout His Highness was convinced I had some untapped magical potential that I was too stubborn to use. So he used to put me in mortal peril and see if it brought it to the surface. You know the usual evil king and adopted prince bonding activities. He had to rescue me most of the time. Then I got better with the sword so I could at least fight my way out. Until the dragon. I couldn’t do a single thing to get away or to defend myself. I honestly thought I was a gonner.” 

I’m rushing the story to avoid the sympathy. But it’s there anyway. Penny is still patting and Baz is pinching his nose. While I’ve been speaking Agatha has floated in and she’s leaning against the door frame. But she always looks sad so it’s hard to tell if it’s for me or not.

“Anyway. Just as the dragon had me almost cornered I got these. Flew the hell away from there and here we are. I dunno if it was magical, the King did it or it was something to do with the dragon but they won’t go. Erm and I er. Well. I. Don’t really age anymore.”

That got Baz to look up. 

“You don’t age?” He demands

“Don’t seem to. Also I heal really fast. Still not magic though, much to his disgust.” 

“He has a vary different definition of magic than I do.” He says it with such certainty and I wonder if he realises that it sounds a bit like a compliment. I think he must because he carries on talking and he’s not much one for talking.

“Some people cannot appreciate that magic operates in a different way below the surface of everyone. We all have some magic. Something that makes us different. My theory is very much at odds with the Kings but as neither of us have had any success who can say who’s right. 

“I have to say I like your idea better.” I almost reach for his hand as I say it and then I remember that we don’t do that and so I stop. 

“But now I’ve told you all my darkest secret I think it’s only fair you tell me yours?” I’m pushing my luck but what else is luck for if not to be pushed. 

“I have no secrets Simon. Not that are mine to tell. I’m just here. By the side of those who need me.” Penny gets up to check on the pot as she says it and I want to tell her that she’s so much more than that. But no. That’s not right. 

It’s not that she’s more than that. 

It’s that ‘that’ is more than it’s given credit for. What battle was ever won alone? Why even fight the battle of not to protect the ones you love? 

But I can’t go telling her that. She will click her tongue at me and ruffle my hair and make me feel silly. So I blow her a kiss instead and she laughs. 

“How about you Baz?”

“I don’t recall having given you permission to call me ‘Baz’.” 

“I don’t remember but it suits you, let me?” 

He nods and sighs and I take this as a ‘yes’. It’s really important to me right now that he lets me. I can’t think why. But I feel a little pool of happiness in my stomach at the thought of it. 

“How about you Baz? What’s your just under the surface magic? What’s your secret?”

**Baz**

I cannot explain the train of thought that leads me to opening up to him like this. I have spent a very long time putting up barriers and boundaries. Yet I have had them all torn down in minutes by this good natured oaf. This golden immortal with his good natured ignorance of personal space. 

“I went out as an apprentice magician when we realised that my family couldn’t teach me. I come from a long line of magicians. I’m the first to fail.” Out loud it sounds worse. Real. 

“Anyway my master, Nikos, trained me as well as he could. Then he got frustrated. He said I had the gift but that I was holding back. Always gripping too tight. Anyway he cursed me and here I am.” I realise I’ve been scratching a welt in the table with the side of my nail. 

“And?” He pokes my hand as he asks it. “And what?” I sneer. It’s far too late for a sneer. 

“What was the curse?” 

“Oh. That. Yes. I am cursed to never age and never die until I unlock the true magic in me. Which is nice. If a little lonely and ultimately frustrating.” I try to sound nonchalant about my fate. 

“That is awesome. We can be friends forever.” 

“We aren’t friends now Prince.” I say and I leave the room before I get stupid. He shouts after me. 

“We’ve got plenty of time.” 


	13. Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s just a hand.  
> Just a hand in mine.  
> No reason to melt.  
> No reason to remember every line and curve of it. No reason to fall in love.

**Baz**

We have time.

We have time. 

_We_ have time. 

I don’t. I can’t. This can’t. It just. This is not how the story goes. Ever. 

Then why can I still feel his touch on my skin? Why does he make me feel alive? Why does the tiny bit of magic in me reach for him? 

I slam the door to my room and throw myself at the bed. The moment calls for a little drama I think. 

If he just stays away. 

It will be fine.

I will be fine.

Of course he bangs on the door.

**Simon**

He almost certainly doesn’t want me to go after him. But dinner is done. He needs to eat. 

“Go away.”

“Penny says it’s dinner time.”

“Go Away.” 

“I’m coming in.”

“You are not.”

I go in. 

He’s lying dramatically across the bed. I must have really pissed him off this time.

“Please Baz, come eat.” I foolishly reach for his hand to pull him up. 

The world tumbles down around me as our skin touches. 

**Baz**

He pulls at me to drag me up. He gets me half sitting because, by the harpy’s wings, he is strong. 

Then the world cracks in two, tilts, rotates backwards. 

He sits down next to me. Hand still linked to mine. Does he know he’s doing that? Does he know what that even means? Why is everything spinning?

“Baz, Is this what I think it is?” He licks his lip and I cannot look away. 

“Baz?”

“I think so.” I say stupidly. I can’t know though. I have no practical experience of this. Few do. 

“How do we know?” He’s still leaning in. The air between us is crackling and snapping. I catch myself drifting closer and pull back a little. 

“I have to cast. With words. I have to use the words.” Now my lips are dry. I dare not lick them though. I’ll end up. I don’t even know. 

“Do it. Go on.” He makes it sound so easy. Just do it. Just go on. Like magic just comes when I call. 

He presses his knee into mine and my breath hitches. 

He takes my other hand and I may well break the curse and die on the spot. 

It’s just a hand. Just a hand in mine. No reason to melt. No reason to remember every line and curve of it. No reason to fall in love. 

I cast **“Twinkle Twinkle little star”**

**Simon**

He says the words and the room around us disappears. There are stars everywhere. 

Between us. 

There are stars between us, flowing between us. It feels like a galaxy swirling in my veins. In his veins. He looks like he has been lit from the inside. I can see all of him, all his magic. 

All around us is space and stars and all the things we cannot touch. 

“You’ve done it. Look. Baz. Real magic.”

“S’yours, s’not mine. Shit. I’m. My head is all fluffy.”

He does sound a bit fluffy. I let go of his hands as gently as I can. The bond between us snaps with a painful little ping. I feel lonely suddenly. 

I think about reaching for him again but it would mean something different now and I’m not sure I’m in the right frame of mind to think about why. 

“You alright?” I say stupidly.

“Yes. I’m a bit dizzy but yes. Did you know you could...?” 

“Nope, did you?”

“Sort of. I sometimes can near immortals but not like that. Never like that.”

“So how come now then? How come with me?”

I’m pushing. I shouldn’t be pushing. He’s not going to like it.

All of his shutters come down. He sits up perfectly straight. 

“I think it best we not discuss this with anyone. We certainly won’t do it again. I don’t need to tell you how your father would respond if he became aware of the potential.” He sounds far away. Far away from me anyway. 

I don’t touch him. 

I just leave. 

I hope he comes after me.

**Baz**

I cannot go after him. 

I want to. I want to blanket myself in him. I want to hold his hands and never let go. 

But there is something bigger going on here. There are unicorns to save and Kings to de throne and curses to break. There is not time to moon after a Prince. A Prince I’m pretty sure should be mooning after a woman who is really a unicorn. I’m not sure how that would work but I didn’t write this story. 

I cannot go after him.

I already told him too much. I certainly let him too close. Will I have the self control to stop next time. 

No.

No ‘next time’. 

But I am starving and Penny is an excellent cook.

I go after him.


	14. Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I think she fears he might try and win her heart.   
> I think if she actually looked up once in a while she could rest easy on that point

**Simon**

The week has been long and hard. I was called to run off some ogres who were terrorising one of the smaller villages to the east. The Serpent alone knows why. They have just a bit less than absolutely nothing. 

The ogres were too sad and hungry to put up much of a fight and far too pitiful to kill. They agreed to move on. 

This is why the King cannot stand me. I would rather not murder people (or ogres) in cold blood. I suppose it may make me weak and unfit to rule but I wouldn’t want a kingdom held by fear anyway. 

My horse is limping badly when we enter the courtyard and I’m busy trying to find the source of it when Agatha comes up behind me. It’s impossible to hear her coming. She is absolutely soundless. 

She runs her hands over my horse and gives his lame leg a good hard stare. 

Nothing happens.

She rubs her hand down the leg and still whatever she’s expecting doesn’t happen. 

“Don’t worry Lady Agatha, he’ll be alright after some rest.”

She looks at my chin and shakes her head. 

If she resembled an ordinary person in any way I would say that she was crying. But there’s no sound. No tears. 

I offer he my hanky (which has seen better days) (but it’s definitely what I’m supposed to do right?) she looks at it like it’s toxic. (It’s clean honestly). 

Before I can apologise for whatever it is that I seem to have done she turns and runs. 

If I’m supposed to be wooing her I literally could not be doing a worse job. 

**Penny**

I find her on the parapet after the Prince came and garbled out his story. Poor Simon. He only wants to help but it’s like watching a toddler try and play with a butterfly. He can’t help but hurt her every time. She’s too sore for his rough ways, no matter how kind.

I think she fears he might try and win her heart. I think if she actually looked up once in a while she could rest easy on that point. His heart is full well taken by another. Even if they are both to idiotic and set in their ways to admit it. 

For every hour I spend listening to the Prince talk about Basil, I spend an equally unproductive hour listening to Basil drinking on about the Prince. I am thinking of setting a timer. Or charging for my services.

I hate the bloody stairs but I have to admit that Agatha is beautiful in the sunlight. She spends most of her time here looking out over the sea. She never tires of it. Today she looks shaken.

I step close to her side and put my hand on her back as I did when she was in her true form. She leans into me as she did back then. 

“You couldn’t heal that horse while you live in this body Lady. It has made you sad.”

“I am always sad these days Penny. I feel as though I am dying inside this cage. I barely remember who I am and what I came here for. Maybe I will live and die like this.” She rests her cheek in her hand and the gesture is so very human that it jolts me.

“No my Lady. You must be patient and remember who you are. We will find the others and defeat the bull. We just need time and a little luck.”

She snorts and I have to admit that she did that better as a unicorn. 

I hold her close and we look at the sea. 

**Baz**

The King is trying to convince me that it would not be unreasonable to give him a beaker full of my blood. For science. Just a little. Not enough to render me unconscious even.

I am running out of polite diversions and moving into the he territory of incurring his not inconsiderable wrath. 

The Prince enters (why must he always fling the doors open. Flashy git) just as the King starts shouting.

“Your Highness, might I suggest that we not bleed the servants. It sets a concerning precedent. Also it would be deeply inconvenient if I had to challenge you. I’m not sure your sword is in good working order.”

I restrain an eye roll. I cannot believe he is actually trying to rescue me. Like I’m some pitiful creature who cannot stand my own ground. 

“Nonsense Simon. I need it and he doesn’t. It won’t hurt too much.” The King is half sneering half conciliatory.

“I still think you can find another way to complete your experiment Sir. Let us respect basic ethics. Come Baz, Penny has dinner ready.” 

And with that he takes my hand and drags me from the great hall. 

Even after the doors shut we can still hear the sound of Haggard shouting. But there is no one else in the castle and he won’t waste time coming for me himself. 

Simon actually has saved me. For tonight at least.

**Simon**

As soon as we are out of range of the great hall he shoves me up against a wall. 

I wish he hadn’t chosen this particular wall because it’s so damp and it has this green mould that stains like a bugger. It will take a week to get it out of my hair. 

I also wish he hadn’t because I get very confused and tongue tied when he’s this close to me. I suppose it’s because I’m not used to men my own age. Even though we don’t age. But you know what I mean. 

He’s really angry. His grey eyes are like lightning and his cheek bones are really sharp where he’s clenching his jaw. 

“I’m not a child, I don’t need a hero to protect me. Mind your own business.”

He spits a bit when he says it and I find myself hoping that it hits my mouth which is gross and weird and unnecessary. 

“I think my Father attempting to torture the staff is my business Baz. I wasn’t protecting you I was protecting my kingdom.” 

I’m a liar. I would have defended anyone probably. But there’s no doubt I went hard because it was him. I could bear the thought of him being hurt. 

I shrug his hands off my shoulders and twist away before I do something stupid. Something like leaning my head on his chest. Something like pulling him closer. 

Because I’ve lost my mind. 

I’m doing an excellent job of stamping away in a rage (armour makes an excellent stomping away noise) so I almost don’t hear it. Maybe I don’t and it’s just my brain willing it so. 

“Thank you Simon.”


	15. Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is such a thing as a stupid question.

**Simon**

It a bloody grumpy collection of grumps that gather round the big table in the kitchen for dinner. 

The King doesn’t eat with us which is nicer for everyone. No one likes a lecture on whatever gibberish he’s on this week while they are trying to eat. 

Agatha looks like she’s been crying without crying, Penny looks worried and Baz won’t look at me at all. 

I feel like it’s my job, as the host, to say _something_ to lift the mood a bit. I’m not much one for funny small talk though. I haven’t really had the practice. Still. Fortune favours the brave. 

“If you had to be killed by a natural disaster which natural disaster would you be killed by?” 

I know it’s not the best cheery question ever but.. I’m not good at this.

“I’m pretty sure I can’t be killed.” Says Baz.

“Me either.” Agatha adds.

“I’d like to see them try.” Is Penny’s comment. 

“That’s hardly in the spirit of the question now is it? I’ll go first. I think I’d like to be killed by a volcano. If I had to choose like. C’mon Penny. Tell me.” I give penny my biggest eyes and she seats me with a tea towel.

“Alright. Tornado. Then I’d get to fly before I got smashed to pieces and made a hell of a mess that _I_ wouldn’t have to clean up. 

I give her a round of applause because that is a good answer by anyone’s standards. 

“That is far too obvious Penny.” 

Ok not by Baz’s standards then. 

“Alright Mr. Smarty pants how about you?”

“I quite feel that a wildfire is the only suitable way for me to go. I like the drama of it.” He looks at me and I think I see something like amusement in his face. Just for a second. I might be on to something here. 

“How about you Ag’s?” Penny visibly flinches at my nickname so I maybe won’t do that again. While I remember anyway.

Agatha looks dreamy when she speaks.

“Tsunami for me. The tides call.” Then she stands up and leaves. 

I don’t know if that was an answer or a statement or if she’s just really weird. 

Baz and Penny exchange worried looks and I want to help them. I want them to trust me. But I have to give them time. A chance to work out that I really am exactly what I appear to be. Which, let’s be honest, is more than weird enough without having secrets too. 

“Alright, that was just the warm up. Next question. Would you rather only be able to eat cucumbers for the rest of your life _or_ only be able to eat between 2pm and 3pm?”

“That is a ridiculous question, but, could you eat anything between 2pm and 3pm? Could you start cooking first? Are you allowed to eat cucumbers still?” Penny only stops to take a breath before lunching into another array of questions, disclaimers, loopholes. 

I laugh.

Baz laughs too. 

The kitchen feels warmer.


	16. Safe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is no mistaking this.  
>  This is screaming.   
> Long and hard and hopeless.

**Baz**

The screaming wakes us all. This is a castle of very questionable architecture which results in the strangest combinations of noises and shrieks. The tide seems to vie with the wind for which can most sound like a voice whispering nightmares in your ears. But there is no mistaking this. This is screaming. Long and hard and hopeless. 

Agatha. 

When I arrive in her room Penny is already there, stroking her hair and muttering soothing nothings to her as one would a child. 

Simon comes running so quickly that he barrels straight through me and we end up in a tangle on the floor. 

Penny snorts.

I try to avoid touching him at all while trying to touch him everywhere. The battle between being an absolute creep and a gentleman is not a clear cut thing for my brain apparently. 

I nearly die when his hand tangled in my shirt brushes low on my stomach.

I have to clench my jaw right enough to burst my teeth as he puts his other hand on my thigh to lever himself up. 

I try so very hard not to arch up onto him. I scold my body into some sort of compliance. At least I don’t bury my face in his neck and lick him. Small mercies.

There’s a moment, before he rocks back onto his heels, when our eyes meet. I think for a second I see the same storm raging in him too. I wonder if his breathing is ragged from the run here or .... 

He shakes his glorious curls and rushes to Agatha. 

“Bad dream? Can I help?”

Agatha looks at him with bottomless eyes full of fear. She can’t even relax into Penny. Everything about her is painful and afraid. 

Simon looks devastated. 

I know I can’t help. I don’t even know why I came. She hates me, as she should, I can offer no help here. I put her in this fragile form and I cannot undo it. She barely liked me to start with. I’m not sure she should tolerate me at all now. 

But there is a hero in the room. An honest to goodness, pure through and through, hero.

He rushes out and comes back in with a collection of blankets and four spears. Even Penny is too weirded out to ask him what on earth he is doing. 

He wedges the spears into the rotting floorboards at each corner of the bed then drapes the blankets until he’s constructed a tent. No. Not a tent. A blanket fort. 

“We had a nice cook once, she used to do this for me when I was a sprout . Everyone in.” He’s beckoning to me and he must mean me because Penny and Agatha are already _in_.

He holds out his hand and I ignore it but I do walk towards the bed. 

I sit reluctantly but Penny nods so I suppose it’s acceptable for me to be here too.

Simon dives onto the end of the bed and grins “now we are all safe from everything bad. Penny and Ag’s take the top and me and Baz will take the bottom. It will be nice to be warm for a change. And no more nightmares” he wags his finger chidingly at all of us. 

Penny throws a couple of pillows down and Simon puts them in place then pats them as he says “C’mon. You can snuggle if you want but don’t lie on my wings. The pins and needles are hellish.” 

I harrumph at him but lie down anyway and pull the covers close. Penny sticks her feet between my calves. Simon is facing me and smiling sweetly (mock sweetly. He is up to something). Even Agatha has calmed down and snuggled into Penny’s arms. 

I lie back and look up at the blankets run through with gold thread. I wonder how it is that I keep ending up looking up at the stars with Simon. How it keeps being the thing that pulls me back together. How his breathing settles every nerve in my body. 

I close my eyes and hope I dream of him.


	17. Sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I stay. 
> 
> I breathe.
> 
> I hope.

**Penny**

You have to give it to Simon, he’s a good lad to have around. Agatha is still trembling but at least she’s stopped screaming and I have high hopes she might even sleep. 

I stroke her hair back off her face and ignore the boys as they try not to touch each other. This mostly means that they end up jumping like they’ve been burned every time they accidentally brush up against a bit of foot. Knobs. 

I roll my eyes. Agatha startles me a little with a tiny giggle. I must look puzzled because she mouths ‘silly’ at me. I’m going to assume she means _they_ are silly rather than _I_ am silly. 

I smile back at her. 

I never feel so settled as when I’m touching her. When I’m near her. It’s confusing. 

I know who she is and what she is but I feel the same way about her now. I don’t want to kiss her. I’ve never wanted to kiss anyone. I just want to be with her. 

Like this.

Always. 

As long as she’ll let me.

**Agatha**

I feel profoundly stupid and profoundly grateful. Apparently what cures a nightmare is a bed full of humans being confusing. 

The boys are being their usual selves. Denying what’s right in front of them and resorting to a tide of closer and further, closer and further. One of them huffs in annoyance and the other mutters. 

Penny rolls her eyes and before I can stop it a bubble of laughter escapes me. 

She makes everything right. Everything safe. Everything clear. 

She smooths my human hair like she use to smooth my mane. She doesn’t touch me any differently now. 

I wonder if she’ll try to kiss me and I find myself very much hoping she doesn’t. 

I like to think we have a bond we both understand. A bond that does not involve kissing. 

I hope she stays. After all this is over one way or another. I hope she stays. 

**Baz**

If that idiot touches me one more time I am going to kiss him. 

It’s asking too much of a failed magician to share a bed with this golden prince and not kiss him. Frankly I could absolve myself completely of any guilt or recriminations if I just kissed him. 

He kicks me again and I huff at him.

Agatha giggles which at least implies we solved the problem that caused this entirely new problem. 

Why is his skin so bloody warm? 

I move just slightly.

My hand brushes the back of his and before I can move away his knuckle slips between my fingers. 

I stay. 

I breathe.

I hope.

**Simon**

The problem with my ideas is that I don’t always think them through right to the end. The blanket fort definitely worked (Agatha giggled a minute ago and she’s wrapped in Penny’s arms safely).

I didn’t consider the other bit though. The bit where I accidentally lured my crush into bed while making absolutely sure I could do anything about it. 

I can feel my heartbeat in my throat. 

I want to pull him close. 

I want to dare him to come and get me. 

I settle for occasionally kicking him. All I get is pained sighs. I’m not sure he really even likes me. He probably doesn’t. He’s smart and clever and on an quest. I’m a heaving great lump who isn’t brave enough to off my dictator of a father. 

We aren’t really in the same league. 

The ways he’s found to dodge me touching him just prove that to me even more. 

I’m going to give it up. I am. I’m just going to go sleep safe in the knowledge that I’ve been a help to my friends. I’m going to stop wanting him to touch me.

His hand brushes mine and then doesn’t move. 

Is he leaving it there?

Is this ok?

I take a breath and take a risk. 

He lets me twine our hands together. He lets me. 

I hold him.

I hope.

I wait.


End file.
